By Amrita Harwant Singh
Perhaps you would say that the correct English would be, 'married into the military.' Well we will come back to this later. First the military lexicon. My marriage was taken as a casualty for my husband and so noted in his service record. Why marriage should be considered a casualty! Army seems to have an explanation for this affront to the wife. Lt-Col Roberts who commanded a cavalry regiment in the early part of the 20th century, records that captain Williams, on getting married, never rode with the same dash and daring. That fire and fury in him diminished and there was less of action and more of reflection in his conduct. So this lexicon seems to fit and make sense.
At age 34 he took command of his unit and was instantly called an 'old man.' Well here too there appears to be a rationale to this sudden jump into old age. In the days gone by, command of a unit came late and by then there was much silver in the hair and the 'old man' adage seemed to fit the commanding officer. Since then this term has stuck. Mercifully no one, called me an, 'old lady,' and that prevented a few murders in the regiment, at my hands.
Soon after marriage we were separated. Yes separated. Not legally, but militarily. He was posted to a field area and I became a separated family. I could live in separated family accommodation, rejoin my job in the school and live in the hostel for the staff or go off to a seminary. There was the final option: live with my parents or in-laws. I chose the latter only to regret later! Above all, it is the term, 'separated family' that gets my goat. Surely the military could work out a dignified and less offensive term!
As a separated family you learn to be independent. Bring up children, attend to their education, help them in their home work, take care of their illnesses, do the household chores, live frugally on limited budget, attend to the repairs of your old jalopy and keep the faraway husband updated on the latest. Only time seems to run out in attending to the daily chores and coping up with all the travails of a separated family.
Life in the military has its own excitement, thrills, joy and pathos. In all the shifting from station to station after every two years or so, from living with the husband or separated, living out of suitcases in ‘Bashas’ or in large colonial bunglows, the prospects of seeing new places and making new friends is the recompense of military life. Though living separately has a different set of perils. I learnt that on his visit to the canteen, during leave from a non-family station, a young girl of about three years rushed to him and clung to his leg and called him 'daddy-daddy,' setting off alarm bells in me, at a high pitch! I wanted to meet the mother and have a close look at the child! Later it transpired that the poor child had not seen her father for over a year, being away on a field posting and took him to be her father!
Of all the benedictions of life in the military, it is the bonding and the feeling of being part of a larger family which over shadows all else. It is the magic of regimental life and spirit that binds one for ever: in the most rewarding and fulfilling ways. The agonies of war time fears and exhilaration of home comings, and being on top in various peace time activities all add zest to life in the military. Bringing up children in disciplined and healthy environments, making them understand the value of simple living and watch them doi well are some of the rewards. Eventually one finds oneself completely immersed in the ways of the military and that is why I claim to be married to the military!
Perhaps you would say that the correct English would be, 'married into the military.' Well we will come back to this later. First the military lexicon. My marriage was taken as a casualty for my husband and so noted in his service record. Why marriage should be considered a casualty! Army seems to have an explanation for this affront to the wife. Lt-Col Roberts who commanded a cavalry regiment in the early part of the 20th century, records that captain Williams, on getting married, never rode with the same dash and daring. That fire and fury in him diminished and there was less of action and more of reflection in his conduct. So this lexicon seems to fit and make sense.
At age 34 he took command of his unit and was instantly called an 'old man.' Well here too there appears to be a rationale to this sudden jump into old age. In the days gone by, command of a unit came late and by then there was much silver in the hair and the 'old man' adage seemed to fit the commanding officer. Since then this term has stuck. Mercifully no one, called me an, 'old lady,' and that prevented a few murders in the regiment, at my hands.
Soon after marriage we were separated. Yes separated. Not legally, but militarily. He was posted to a field area and I became a separated family. I could live in separated family accommodation, rejoin my job in the school and live in the hostel for the staff or go off to a seminary. There was the final option: live with my parents or in-laws. I chose the latter only to regret later! Above all, it is the term, 'separated family' that gets my goat. Surely the military could work out a dignified and less offensive term!
As a separated family you learn to be independent. Bring up children, attend to their education, help them in their home work, take care of their illnesses, do the household chores, live frugally on limited budget, attend to the repairs of your old jalopy and keep the faraway husband updated on the latest. Only time seems to run out in attending to the daily chores and coping up with all the travails of a separated family.
Life in the military has its own excitement, thrills, joy and pathos. In all the shifting from station to station after every two years or so, from living with the husband or separated, living out of suitcases in ‘Bashas’ or in large colonial bunglows, the prospects of seeing new places and making new friends is the recompense of military life. Though living separately has a different set of perils. I learnt that on his visit to the canteen, during leave from a non-family station, a young girl of about three years rushed to him and clung to his leg and called him 'daddy-daddy,' setting off alarm bells in me, at a high pitch! I wanted to meet the mother and have a close look at the child! Later it transpired that the poor child had not seen her father for over a year, being away on a field posting and took him to be her father!
Of all the benedictions of life in the military, it is the bonding and the feeling of being part of a larger family which over shadows all else. It is the magic of regimental life and spirit that binds one for ever: in the most rewarding and fulfilling ways. The agonies of war time fears and exhilaration of home comings, and being on top in various peace time activities all add zest to life in the military. Bringing up children in disciplined and healthy environments, making them understand the value of simple living and watch them doi well are some of the rewards. Eventually one finds oneself completely immersed in the ways of the military and that is why I claim to be married to the military!
(Published in the Tribune and the Post Horn Gallup)
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2009/20090902/edit.htm#5
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2009/20090902/edit.htm#5
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